Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
