I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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