Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
