I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
