So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
