Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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