either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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