She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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