Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
this just has baby written all over it
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Randomize
