Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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