I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
