He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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