It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
