Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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