yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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