goodnight i made you a song goodbye
My pussy is not your playground.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize