I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize