my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Welp...herpes.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
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