Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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