I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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