trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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