When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
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