Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
