Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
