she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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