I just made out with a guy for $7.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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