I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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