just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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