worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Randomize