Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i just google imaged poop.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
