I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
