Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
