She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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