a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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