i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I wish i was in the wii world.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
