I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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