His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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