i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
