he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
