Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
