It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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