I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Randomize
