look no pants
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
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