getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Randomize
