who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
