I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I think my vagina is haunted
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
