No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
