walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
