Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
