Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
