You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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