my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
