we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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