So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
