In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize