did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
