dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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