sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
