A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
