I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
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