That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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