I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Randomize
