i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
