so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
