please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
even my farts smell like vagina
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
