Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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