look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
