there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I don't deserve a penis
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
That's how pantless uber rides happen
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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