chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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