don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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