this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
