he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
