The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I yelled at your uterus for you.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
