His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
