i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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