all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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