shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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