she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
