The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
