no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
