No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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