i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
