just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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