Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
