My liver just broke up with me...
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
