her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
