Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
