How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
