that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Acid is not a monday night drug
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
