I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
bring money and cleavage
She told me I should be a condom model.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
