the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize