All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
