he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
