He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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