i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
