so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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