watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
